best friends. is there really such a thing as a best friend? i always thought best friends were people who you could tell every single problem or worries you ever had. but after all its not all that. whats the use of having a best friend who you can never ever let them know how you actually feel abt something and they truly understand how you feel or tell them all your worries without them mocking you or say 'hahaha. your thinking too much. dont think about it and it'll be okay.' its not true okay.
you know how difficult is it to keep moving from counrty to counrty? and especially when you have to settle down and try to act like you totally belong thr? it isnt all that easy. all you may think that migrating is so fun. you get to see the world and stuff like that. but its really difficult to settle down. its been already more than 6years for me here and i still find it difficult to feel belonged. im not that same old cute and happy melissa you all used to know anymore. how i wish more than anything else that i'll just be that same old melissa. but people change and they become different.

how i wish i could just cry it out. but unfortunately everything is just kept inside. a deep dark secret that will forever be kept within me.
oh God please help me here. i really wanna be that melissa who was always happy and cheerful i dont wanna be someone im not. especially this person who has a mask covering the real me. i know every since that unfortunate day in primary school, i seem to be wolloaping in self pity and all. but i really hope to break that curse that has been put upon me. on Lord please release me from this self pityness in jesus name i pray amen.

sorry for this really so-called emo post to you all. i really needa release. prolly not many people will read coz i havent been posting recently. oh well i feel much better.

love melissa