New beginning.

You know, this is harder than I thought it would be because whenever I see her name or her picture, everything from my past just comes rushing back to me. How I lost them, how they only needed me when they met with a situation, how I just an old pair of jeans to them, how I failed to be a friend that they wanted to keep. She reminds me of all my mistakes, all the things I took for granted, all my strengths and weaknesses, all my characteristics, all the things I did to keep them which eventually made me so vulnerable to them. Her presence makes me scared of the future. Like how history might repeat again, how I would get hurt again, how I might not be able to pick myself up ever again, how I might not be able to trust anyone ever again. To be very honest, she makes me hate myself even more because she reminds me of how stupid I was to be so naive to think that if I was a good and a true friend, they would be the same to me too. This is probably why I'm so against her. Because her presence alone reflects my entire past. The past which I've been trying to run away from. 

It's gonna hurt soso much more now because I'm gonna be facing this and I'm gonna settle this once and for all. I don't know what I might become after this but this is something that I truly want to resolve because I know if I don't do it now, it will be worse in the future.