Forever

Oh how I wished I could talk to you.
Tell you everything.
But I'm afraid you'll care too much.
Too much till I have no breathing space.
Too much till I feel so suffocated.
Too much till you're emotionally affect by me.
Too much till you go all out till you neglect your own feelings.
Too much till you make me feel oh so guilty.

I know I'm being mean now.
But you can't blame me for that.
I've been hurt too badly.
Hurt so badly that earning my trust is going to be a difficult task.
Hurt so badly that trusting my best friends is such a hard thing for me to do.
Hurt so badly that I'm so ashamed for people to know.

I know I might always appear happy.
But deep inside,
I don't even know what's real and what fake anymore.
I feel so numb already.
I feel so like a hypocrite.
Every smile I show actually has a very sad story behind it.

I know you'll be there for me no matter what.
But I cannot be for sure that I'll be there for you no matter what.
I might just become a coward.
I'll never know.
And it'll remain a mystery forever.
Because I don't want to go there.
I don't want to attempt getting hurt unnecessarily.
And neither do I want you to.

Heartfelt words by ME